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dragon-fly-to-me

I am simplistic complexity.
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3 min read
Ruminations in dusty keys. Is such a thing possible in silence? In inaction?
The only appropriate word to be whispered is
neglect.

But still in this moment
they form, as I depress, elicit response with each
downward stroke.

Oh and the ink filled pens--
they cry injustice, accuse without a scribe--
scorned.

Yet the ink has not run dry,
futile, the soul continues to scry,
peering deep into ink, blood and oil.

Shift.
Backspace.
No one has been robbed.



We live. We thrive in ways simple, rewoven, frayed edges, broken bones only stronger.
There can't ever be any promises. Only hellos, hopefully less than goodbyes.
With a newness of tomorrows even forty years have yet to see.
As my attempt at poetical scribbling noted, no one has been robbed.
Is it fair to say I knew nothing of love? That deep kindled fire, rooted in earth beneath my feet.

So let it be known.
She knew nothing.
And yet everything
is now placed firmly
in the palm
of her
hand.


She and I by dragon-fly-to-me
What? I can't just say hello and all that jazz. I'm a nerd.




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So my new job is progressing in excellent fashion.  

I am very happy with it...in fact I feel slightly guilty I am pulling a paycheck on this one.  

Seriously.  


--and I've  been doing a bit of reflecting on where I was last year at this time.

In that horrible place. *shudder*
Really bad.


And then I stop. Because I'm not there anymore.


Thank God for that.
Seriously. 


Anyhoo.  I have an autumn photo fun thing planned for next weekend with the kids.  

I'm super excited about it. I'm making baby steps back into things.


About the video...

I went to a concert this summer that these guys played at.

I was like, What? Who? How...??
I like them A. Lot. 
Serio...nevermind. You get it. :D


So that is all from this journal.

Sorry I am not featuring your art and just blahblahblahing about me.  

I'll do better next time.

I promise.





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Shall We?

4 min read


life-death by OK-Photography


Shall we,
dance our way into summer?
Laughing eyes, cheeky smiles eclipsing shadows.
Or perhaps,
we tiptoe in on dew dampened feet,
hands clasped, secret whispers hidden behind our hands.


Either way,
we arrive in heat and storm.
passions filling up, spilling over into noontide,
communing with wildflowers, receiving the warmest of winds.


~me, jrdragonfly


Huang Shan Mountain DANCING CLOUDS by SAMLIM

So this Monday I was three months post op.  For the most part, medical things have went along in a most wonderful fashion. About three weeks after my surgery, I had an overwhelming need for...escape.  This is not a new feeling for me, just one I was too weak to resist.  And so I dragged the children to a quiet family place, without cable or phone or internet (gasp), where the trees and birds seem to outnumber the stars.  A few weeks later, I went back to work at a part time fashion.  Even that was too much. I did it anyway.  I don't know why, but my family gave me my space and didn't criticize or question.  And I didn't feel alone, even when the kids weren't with me.  I'm not really ready for this move back into life, but things have changed--summer has arrived.  

Strange thing is, somehow I lost a friend to cancer along the way.  It seems so odd to me, even now.  When I went in to the hospital the first time, he  was  there being diagnosed with something no 41 year old with three children should have--only Hitler like types.   When I was undergoing my surgery, he was finally getting a bone marrow transplant at a state of the art facility.  We saw each other rarely, he and his wife and I, those five months; tired waves behind sterile masks. But their children, I saw almost daily. They knew every step of the journey the Bean's mom took in and out of the hospital. There was a haunting wisdom behind three year old eyes that would break the hardest of heart and make them look away.

After the funeral, they looked at me with the same question I ask myself, and have no answer for.  I just don't know why.  Or how--seriously, I lost several liters of blood in my room right after surgery due to a faulty IV.  I didn't know. The nurses didn't know.  It finally soaked entirely through one pillow I was resting my arm on and onto my blankets below when I opened my eyes to weird wetness on my leg.  See?  I just don't know why.  

It seems a distorted picture, this past year.  In the quiet, I could see all the vivid lines, each color vibrant and beautiful. I can only hope and pray the picture remains somewhat defined.
 

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Historic Ranch by PinedropChildless by goRillA-iNK


What do you do when you don't get better?
Strong arms get too get too weak to hold her.
Oh God give me just enough strength to make it through.


Sleepless, this madness is walking me out to the ledge
 and stands there beside me
shivering out on the edge.
Oh God all I all I ask is a little relief
Just a moment of peace.
Mother and Daughter by vizionsphotographyHold me by SimpleOona
I don't want to live without you.
I'm not ready to live without you.
So let's dance a little.
Laugh a little.
Hope a little more.
Cause I don't want to leave without you, without you.


This thorn in my side,
though it cuts and stings me
As opens these eyes
I never seen so clearly.
And oh God I thank you
Cause you bring me to my knees
Back on my knees.
A solitary life by LawrenceCornellPhoto Forgotten city by lostknightkg
I don't want to live without you.
I'm not ready to live without you.
So let's dance a little.
Laugh a little.
Hope a little more.
Yes let us dance a little.
Laugh a little,
and hope a little more.
Cause I don't want to leave without you without you.
The dance by klairy
a DANCE. by FAMILIARLYvague
I heard another voice from the other side-
Singing, hold fast love last
 as winter turns into summer time
Singing hold fast, love last
Heard another voice from the other side
Singing hold fast love last
as winter turns into summer time
Singing hold fast
I Feel You by Joe-MaccerOpening up by MatsHolmberg
the tease of Earl Greywhen leaves speak they rustle
but shan't talk of lost cattle
out of bags like cats lying
purring perhaps stirring
gainsaying the language
of pictures - much fewer
than one thousand words
whispered soft - softer
ours to read into
by catching a hint of
some spiciness brewed
a sugaring of love -
or upcoming danger
a giving or taking
from whom in this strange land
once was a stranger
by this chance assessed
through one's cup or glass
darkly lit yet it be
from wet leavings of tea
hopefully let it be
the sugaring of love -
llp - dA - jan2013
DD - feb1/2013
PerigeeWhen the mare went blind
my heart clouded like her eyes
she walked calm along her dark path
she learned step up, step down
I led her by the forelock
her trust like the moon between my hands
EverworldsAdrift amid the everworlds,
Themselves strung out like tethered pearls,
We are slowly, slowly sailing.
What's the point in suffering
When so many things conspire to wring
The fabric of our hearts?
This cool, compressed distress machine
Is always waiting to try to claim
Everything we are.
I'm glad to say it's failing.
I salute the ones who ride before,
And trail behind us forevermore.
Their meaning is not muffled
By a shuttered heart or dampened spark.
Our very beings burn
For all life's beautiful things,
Because we are meant to live then die,
Whether we are grounded
Or a thousand miles high,
And we don't have to be afraid,
Because it's THAT which makes us motivate
To act like fools in pain,
When in awhile we'd have been ok,
Having gotten through a couple of days
Of inner aggravation.
People seem want to MAKE us better,
And that's a somewhat mistaken misendeavour.
Just smile and nod your head,
Because it's mainly chemical.
And that's the part we're missing;
You only need to listen,
And

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For JenWords are not important anymore.
Just the feather-like leaves falling in the background.
And the gentle snowflakes that rests in your auburn hair.
The fact that you are here with me
gives me all the strength I need to fly.
Yet, your love keeps me grounded.
Tethered our intertwined hearts
and smiles keep us in this moment.
Our bubble of perfection.
A living breathing piece of artwork
that I wish someone could hang in a museum
for all of time
So that others would know what true love looks like.
And that there are perfect moments,
in time.
AgainIce forms on the river
     No longer a smooth flow
A frozen life
     Nothing continues without you.
     In my isolation
     I am no stranger to uncertainty
No warmth can thaw this winter
     Of unfulfilled desire
Thoughts of affection
     Cannot replace need
     Glass shard memories
     Sandpaper recollections
I dare not plead
     Even the smallest comfort:
          Just one more moment
     One more touch of your hand upon my cheek
LearningI want them to embrace me-
-Three thousand sixty seven shallow cuts
To bleed me dry,
To fade me into the gray wash
Of someone else's memory
I want them to end me-
-Thirteen deadly sins
To bring me to my knees
To become an apology
Of everything I have failed to be
I want them to find me-
-Two hundred six broken bones thrown
To roll me past who I have become
To understand the osteomantic future
Of a truth that is already known



I've always had a thing for poets, ya know.

Music was my first weakness. The first thing I remember bringing me low, pulling me up. Giving me things I didn't know I needed. Taking from me the unnecessary:  inhibitions, fears, the drag of memories best left behind.

But there are more poets than only songwriters--you dangerous weapons with ink and paper.  Text whispering, retrieving echoes.

And those behind the lens. Capturing living poetry. You too are special. 
 
Poets tempt me, sway and draw me in. There is an intoxication, a drowning in an image, a poem, a song. One that makes you feel. Isn't that what we all crave? To feel. And the ultimate feeling:  love. Some toss the word about all willy-nilly, like a politician polluting October. We should mean it when we say it. If I've ever said it to you--I meant it.  

I say here, I'm weak.

And I like it.

Soooo...neurosurgery tomorrow.  The first attempt at stopping the seizures that have been plaguing me for months now.  They are really bad now.  They took away my drivers license! I can't even drive an f-ing moped. I don't want to talk about it...sigh. Anyhoo--it is what it is. Ha. I always say that, don't I? Oh well, moving on. Doing a surgery like this on a person like me isn't easy.  And Derek Sheperd isn't real. :D But my guy told me he is a master mechanic with very expensive toys, I mean tools. :D I like him.

I'll hold as fast as I can. So there will be more time for dancing and laughter and hope. Because I have a lot of that left to do.  But--and isn't there always one of those? If it is an end of things, so to speak, do all those things yourselves, please. With a smile at a fond memory. 

Be well. I'm sure all will be well--one way or another. :heart:


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A Gypsy Soul

4 min read
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-Place for dreaming- by Janek-Sedlar

"We were born before the wind

Also younger than the sun

Ere the bonnie boat was won as we sailed into the mystic.

Hark, now hear the sailors cry

Smell the sea and feel the sky

Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic.


And when that fog horn blows I will be coming home

And when the fog horn blows I want to hear it

I don't have to fear it.


And I want to rock your gypsy soul

Just like way back in the days of old

And magnificently we will flow into the mystic..."

~"Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison

Have a Seat by Spademm
Special Autumn Magic by redwolf518
Fuse by S-A-U-R-O-N
magic times III by JoannaRzeznikowskaMorning in the Tetons by Pinedrop
Being Watched by GrumpyDuck
Umbrella by ildiko-neerAdrift by Joe-Maccer
Letting go IV by MatsHolmberg

So of course one of the things I missed most was being able to go out freely and take photos. I mean, hell, I can't [well I'm not supposed to...] even out outside and walk without this most embarrassing, humiliating walker. sigh. At least it is a hot metallic burgundy color.

Because I do have a gypsy soul. I do love to wander and sway with the wind and seasons. So here are some things that make me happy in the meantime...things that make me smile and my soul sing a little. Enjoy! :heart:




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