Find the gain in the loss

Oct 22, 201115 min read

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Published: Oct 22, 2011

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**do me a favor and read this journal on the jouranl page. It is driving me nuts to see the icons all mixed up...THANK YOU!!**

It is the nature of this life that we, the people, are affected by other people in a positive or negative fashion.  Man seems to me to be a social creature, looking to make "connections," trying to find meaning.  Sometimes these connections are positive.  Other times, not so much. But the bottom line is, we crave feeling as if we matter, as if someone loves us, someone thinks we are worthy.  We crave being understood and accepted for who and what we are, by those we love. I often say, if you can't accept me for who I am, please try and understand me. That is all I ask.

And artists…well… we are a little more complex of a story.
Generally, and this is totally a personal observation of self and those around me, artists are needy. We crave affirmation of our art, our creation.  Most feel like a little piece of us exists in each thing/piece we submit.

Personally, I have met people here that have made my art "better." Perhaps through their example, they have helped me push my standards higher. Perhaps they have driven me to increase my technical skills.  Maybe a heartfelt comment on my poetry made me see the piece in an entirely different way. The list could go on…and on.

Especially one of my lists. I can blabber and blabber…lol.

Anyway…it is up to us if we let people in. The following are a list of some of the people who have made my time, my dA life and plain ole me, better…you made my life just simply… more. A gift of sorts. (shrug) Maybe you didn't always make my life brighter (life isn't always about rainbows, sunshine and the joy of a cold beverage on a hot day), but when it gets right down to it your friendship or talent or conversation enriched my life or inspired me in a way I wish to acknowledge on my birthday. So. Thank you.

(if I have forgotten anyone...you have to forgive me. It is my birthday...but I still ask for it.

)

Early Morning Sadness. by no-soap-was-harmed

FeralHalf-wild half-love,
you circle me,
predator and prey-
half-away with the rustle of leaves,
the soft metered breath
that warns you I draw nigh.
Step lightly over the low stone wall
into the maple grove.
A wood thrush twines song
with the fingers of the night-
my hands hunt for yours,
scented with fern and musk.

To Be FreeI wished the breeze to sweep me clean,
to banish the darkness,
and all that's unseen.
Spread my arms wide as a bird,
hoping to be baptized,
in every meaning of the word.
I willed it to be lost,
taken away on the wind,
stripped at any cost.
I was willing to sacrifice, willing to hurt,
willing to bare myself naked,
and present myself as your dessert.
But it was me that made these things wrong,
it was I that kept my wounds fresh,
stringing myself along.
The last days I set my eyes on you,
grey halo of death you'd found,
not realizing it was you in that queue.
Death brought cruel relief,
false liberation on a breeze,
drowning still in my own grief.
I just want to be free.
--
8/16/2011

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Mature Content

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Lake of DreamsWe could buy a boat
Live on the water
Selling barbeque and hamburgers
To fisherman
Showing Texas how to cook
As if the barbeque state
Needed lessons
We could swim the coves
Every night
Bathing in moon light
On the open water
We could lose ourselves
Amongst the cliffs
Until the world
Was all but forgotten
We could find our own
Little piece of heaven
On this lake of dreams
With no past
To weigh us down
Let the waters
Wash these hands clean
Until the names
No longer matter
And we gracefully drift away

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SharpHow unfortunate
that you should think it sweet
when I bare my claws
and scrawl my name
in lazy caligraphy
and scarlet letters
along the lines of your blue veins.
Marked men never see
the venom in a kiss
that tortures reality
and infects them with
portraits painted free
of flaws and bitterness.
It isn't my intention,
and I warned you from the start,
but you laughed when I told you
I was exquisitely sharp.
I will dice you with my rib cage
when you fall onto my heart.
You will end
as more pieces
of love I can't mend.

She and I... and youShe likes the rain because it reminds her of the tears she shed for
you...
I hate the rain because it reminds me of the tears I shed for
you...
Her pain makes her remember all the joys you caused.
Mine makes me remember that it can never happen again.
As her hair and clothes dance in the wind
she smiles...
As my hair tangles I can't help but
cry...
The brighter she shines.
The darker my world becomes.
But, oh more the angel she
And the devil me
For her being able to let go of a future
We both know can no longer be

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Mature Content

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EndowmentLet me make this gift to you…
I will write myself all out for you. I'll bleed my ink onto my parchment skin, flay myself open in my efforts to be understood, revealing everything. Dry it up, carefully fold it, seal it with wax and wrap it in scarlet ribbons. I will send it special courier and have it delivered straight into your hands. You can then open it when you will, twist and crumple me at your leisure…for we know that is the only way I will fit into your small mind.

Come fly with meSoar heaven high on eagle's wings,
See earth's curve far below.
Spread wide your wings, catch thermal push,
Skim mountains dipped in snow.
Trail silver ribbons of river glide,
As slanting sun gives life.
Sparkling rocks and waterfalls,
Where aquatic dash is rife.
Glide forth on feathered wingtips,
Where sunset kisses land.
Horizons giddy vista calls,
From fields to golden sands.
This land has much to offer,
To feed your hungry soul.
Envelope it with joyous swoop,
As beauty does unroll.
Come fly with me, we'll kiss the stars,
Our wings not earthly bound.
Blue planet smiling far below,
Our freedom we have found.

The girl who ruled the universThere she stood in the sun
Casting shadows on the ground
I ask her, "Why does this entertain you so?"
She say's it gives her a sense of power.
I ask, "Why is this so important?"
She lifts her head slowly.
Turns to me and says,
"God shouldn't get to have all the fun"
The next day I saw her standing over an ant pile
Rocking back and forth
I ask, "Playing God again?"
She said "No, I've always wanted to be a cloud"
I sat down under a lazy oak tree,
and watched her for the better part of an hour.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Dreaming of what I could be."
And for the first time in a really long time,
I felt at peace.
Just knowing that there's someone to watch over us,
when we're feeling small

Credits

'NEOkeitaro
*redheadstock
*rammkitty-stock
'Princess-of-Shadows

Comments183

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RainySkyz

Jul 3, 2012

Oh my goodness, I just now noticed this! I can't believe I have been THAT consumed for a year, not to notice such sweet things as this. (At least, I couldn't find any comment from me?) That you included me in on dA friends who have helped you (even if it were in some small way) I feel so happy and honored. But, really, it's been more the other way around, with me crying on your in notes over so many things in my life.

I for one am glad you didn't leave all the times you said you were going away forever.

Find the gain in the loss

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