Unconditional

"Beautiful Dawn" The Waylin Jennys [link]
(to me, lyrics about being a loving, dedicated parent)

Take me to the breaking of a beautiful dawn
Take me to the place where we come from
Take me to the end so I can see the start
There's only one way to mend a broken heart

Take me to the place where I don't feel so small
Take me where I don't need to stand so tall
Take me to the edge so I can fall apart
There's only one way to mend a broken heart

Take me where love isn't up for sale
Take me where our hearts are not so frail
Take me where the fire still owns its spark
There's only one way to mend a broken heart

Teach me how to see when I close my eyes
Teach me to forgive and to apologize
Show me how to love in the darkest dark
There's only one way to mend a broken heart

Take me where the angels are close at hand
Take me where the ocean meets the sky and the land
Show me to the wisdom of the evening star
There's only one way to mend a broken heart

Take me to the place where I feel no shame
Take me where the courage doesn't need a name
Learning how to cry is the hardest part
There's only one way to mend a broken heart.

Here is something I can say with certainty: I'm a good mom. Another is I can never express in words the feelings entwined in my heart, soul and mind when I looked into the Bean's eyes thinking I was losing her.

I will go to my grave proud that the only thing she saw from me then was love and respect and the fiercest devotion. I smiled and encouraged all the while my eyes traveled her face, memorizing every detail--each freckle, her hazel eyes and chocolate brown eyelashes, praying I was wrong and this wasn't happening. Couldn't be happening.

To say that all hell was about to break loose is an understatement...yes I shoved the surgeon. He deserved it.
To say that I had one of the Board of Directors in my room a few days later is not a lie. His smile was as big as some politician caught with his pants down after a prayer breakfast--big, fake and just a little scared.

But we are on the other side of it now, thank God. One of these days I'll freak out about it all...cry and scream and rave. But I'm just not ready yet.